Saturday 27th August 2016, Pearls of Worth, PCI’s Women’s Ministry in an High Tea event outdid themselves once again with an event of note filled with something for everyone but what stood out the most was how the Women came in drones and all dressed to the nines as Royal Priesthood, adorned with beautiful attires, crowned with various headgear of various sizes, shapes and colours. To say the turnout was mesmerizing is an understatement because there are other eye catching things that states excellence in the event from the set-up down to the deco and refreshments, which were plenty. Everything was delivered beyond expectations as the Women came as Queens in their rights. It was an awesome and majestic sight for all those present.
The event was opened by Sister Thami with prayer, followed by the gifted minister Sister Pinky who is also a member of the Perfecting Praise Choir, rendered a Musical item and led the ladies into the Throne Room. Soon after it was time to introduce and call to the pulpit the guest speaker, Mrs. Mapula Ratshefola a gorgeous and confident looking lady accompanied by her mother speaking on an important theme “The Blended Family”
Mrs. Ratshefola, a Clinical Psychologist who also deals a lot with blended families and counselling children coming from broken homes. She started a lecture by defining what a blended family is as she said, “it is a family that either through death or divorce, either way a loss of some sort, that leads to newly formed family with that history”. She explained that in her talk she would mostly concentrate on shedding light on the emotions, thoughts and feelings of the children within such families and would give solutions at the end of the talk in an attempt to assist parents in these situation to best deal with the children in order not to harm them further.
She explained that she could relate to this talk first hand because she was also in a blended family after she was widowed and was left with three children. In moving forward, She said she met and got married to her current husband who had also had lost his wife and left to raise two children. She explained that children in these families are most likely still hurting and always harbor hopes in cases of divorce that their parents will reconcile and in case of death they always find it difficult to accept the loss. She told the Women that it was critical to understand this as the children are in grave pain and if not well prepared for the change of the new family they are most likely to act out and it was fruitless for the woman to enter into a competition with the children for the husbands love or attention. Mrs. Ratshefola encouraged the women to take a step back and reflect on what could still be corrected in the newly formed relationships and to allow them unfold naturally without overcompensating.
She told the women that in case of divorce they ought to know that if the kid visits both parents for periods of time, they may get confused on whose rules to follow and in turn may act out aggressively and that it is critical for the parent not only to divorce physically and financially but also emotionally meaning getting to a point where there are no emotions felt at all for the other thus clearly defining the separation. She said in most disasters or dangerous situations parents would go out on a limb to place their children in safety except in divorce.
She defined the four types of parenting styles including Authoritarian – this style says my way is the only, Authoritative which is the most recommended – this style says lets discuss why I say you can’t do this, Permissive – this style says do as you please and when you please and lastly Uninvolved – this style says I am not here and I am not available do what you want, the last two styles are the least recommended and are sure to lead to disaster.
She concluded by giving advise to parents and women on how to deal with various situations but first explained that there are different things kids in blended families deal with which may seem mundane to us but are very important and may cause much pain to children, these include loss of position in the family, where in first family a child is first then in a blended family they could become second or third, secondly most children cannot handle it when their parent is in love again, so it is important to understand that we are dealing with hurting children in these families.
She gave advise to women who are in a blended family to be patient and establish new rituals that will incorporate old ritual and accommodate all members of the new family. She also encourages one on one with each child is important in bringing the families together, for spending time together as families and giving everyone a sense of belonging, set boundaries with ex-spouses and lastly beat them with love as there is no competition and seek holiday.
TEAM LEADER: FUNEKA SIMELANE
STORY BY: PCI PRINT MEDIA